Inside The Lamp

 

Scene VII : Inside The Lamp

 

Enter Aladdin looking startled , brushing imaginary dust from his tunic. 

Greeted by a genie , dressed in a green jacket and trousers, like a museum guide. 

 

He is wearing a name badge with no name on it.

 

Genie : Welcome to The Lamp Experience. How can we help you to fulfil your dreams ?

 

Aladdin: Whoa! You mean I’m inside the lamp … That’s not how it works !

 

Genie :  Well , inside isn’t strictly true . More precisely , we are sharing a dimensional interface which is outside your time and space.

 

Aladdin : Like Doctor Who ? You mean this is a Tardis ?

 

Genie : Well , our lawyers are still talking to the Beeb about copyrights ... Maybe it’s better to think of us as a corridor of dreams , where everything can happen 

(reaches into pocket and pulls out a dog eared notebook and pencil and appears to write something down) Corridor of Dreams (Chuckles) I like that one. Could be my next game show …

 

Aladdin: Don’t you have a smartphone to make notes ?

 

Genie : I’ll have you know , the wisdom of the ages is in this book

 

Aladdin : It’s not very thick

 

Genie : We use the same material over and over. People never listen. Some of the jokes in here are out of the ark.

 

Aladdin: Ben Elton didn’t write this did he ?

 

Genie : No , I mean the jokes really are out of the ark. Noah used to host a comedy club to pass the long days at sea. I love the one about the unicorns who thought the weather forecast  was a hoax .

 

Aladdin : So what’s the schtick with the badge ? What should I call you

 

Genie: You lot are so hung up with badges , names , labels …   Does it matter what I’m called or if I’m called anything at all ?

 

Aladdin: You might have a problem in Starbucks

 

Genie : I am what I am, not what any name infers … but P.S. I’m pretty good at being that. Sooo… How can we help you fulfil your dreams ?

 

Aladdin : Well, I thought that you gave me three wishes , you know ?

 

Genie : Wishes ?

 

Aladdin : You know , fine clothes , a palace or two , gold …

 

Genie ( looks Aladdin up and down , incredulously) : How old are you ? 

 

Aladdin ( looks sheepish):No gold ?

 

Genie smiles and shakes head

 

Aladdin : No palaces ?

 

Genie waves hand in a so so manner

 

Aladdin : What about the clothes ?

 

Genie : I can put you in touch with a good tailor ?  No, it’s all about helping you to make life choices which will point you in the right direction.

 

Aladdin: And you know which direction that is ?

 

Genie : I see great things ahead for you , Aladdin. You will thwart your evil uncle , marry a princess and earn the riches you desire. You may even revise your attitude towards people who like to dress as pantomime cows…

 

Aladdin (looks dubious): You just read the script.

 

The Genie taps his dog eared notebook and winks 

 

Genie : We wrote it …

 

 

Intermission